Cath's Nine Stages of Fucking Up at Work

This is a faithful and accurate account of my internal monologue during the last 24 hours or so. It contains lots of foul language. All of it is justified.

1) Pride (as in, before a fall)

Tra la la, my boss has gone away and left me in charge of Very Important Submission. I am soooo important.

I don't have all the files yet, but I can upload what I do have and make sure it looks OK.

That's weird. Why is Massive Sciencey Organisation's website saying "Thank you for your submission?" I hadn't finished, why would it think I'd submitted?

2) Shock

FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK

Ohmygod what have I done? And how does the back of my neck get so hot, so quickly, when I realise I've fucked something up?

Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

3) Denial

Quick, hurry, quick quick, click on the other open tab in my browser. Ooooooh, look, Google Reader! Maybe if I read a blog post or two, the scary message in the other tab will go away.

"Sign Win!" - heh heh, that's pretty damn funny.

OK, let's check to see if that worked.

4) Shock

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK

And ohmygod, it's sent a submission receipt message to my boss. I'm gonna have to email him and tell him what I did.

I seriously think I might vomit.

Noooooooooooooooooooooo and one more FUCK

5) Bargaining

OK. I'm going to email the help desk (after regular office hours, so no calling) and explain. Hopefully they can reset the application. I'll also email my boss. If I accept full responsibility*, apologise, and grovel, then he can't fire me.

Right?

And if I go home and make a lovely dinner for my husband and his friend, then I'll forget all about it and have a good night's sleep.

Right?

Right.

6) Shock

Tra la la, it's a bright and sunny morning, everything will be OK, especially if I have some caffeine to offset the lack of sleep. Better check my email first though, to see if the help desk people have replied.

OHMYFUCKINGGOD THEY CAN'T RESET IT.

7) Chocolate

Quick, escape to the friendly local coffee shop; I need some anti-stress therapy in the traditional Trauma Cookie format. Oh, but look, a bar of organic, fair trade, chili & spice chocolate from Cocoa Camino, right next to the till. Mmmmmmmmmmm, ethilicious.

8) Bargaining

OK, we have an email from Massive Sciencey Organisation, saying that our submission is incomplete.

Thank you, I wouldn't have noticed otherwise.

If I return the email, grovel, apologise, and stress that the mistake was not the fault of any of the scientists named on the project, all will be well.

Right?

9) Acceptance

They say we can start our submission again from scratch. No long-term harm done - I hope.

BTW I still don't have all the required files, so I am no longer the one who is holding up the submission. No, I am a completely innocent party, my friends.

Maybe there's still some denial going on.

Maybe more chocolate might help.

Hey, maybe this would make a good blog post.

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*the online submission system may have contributed. Possibly. Don't quote me on that, though.