Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Hockey p 0rn

During the Olympics, one friend described the amazing Canada-Russia hockey game as "hockey p 0rn".

Another friend turned around with his eyes and mouth wide open, and proclaimed that "hockey p 0rn would be the best thing EVAH!"

We started to come up with a list of words and phrases that could be used in this exciting new genre, a meme we resurrected on Saturday night during the Canucks' final regular season game. Once your mind is sufficiently deeply embedded in the gutter, it's amazing what smut you can pick out of perfectly innocent TV studio and living room commentary...

Here, just in time for the playoffs, is what we've come up with so far:
  • "Here comes the slap shot!"
  • "I love four-on-four, it's nothing but end-to-end action"
  • "He's slotted it five-hole"
  • "What a powerful wrist shot he has"
  • Two-man advantage
  • "What skillful stick handling!"
  • "I think it's time to pull the goalie" 
The star would obviously have to be Legwand (who, of course, played at the Gaylord Entertainment Center before it was so sadly and boringly renamed).
    Any more?!

    And here's the money shot: Daniel Sedin's third goal against Calgary on Saturday. What a fucking beautiful goal! Make sure you watch all the slo-mo replays:

    Not really on topic, but still hilarious, is the term accidentally introduced by a British friend who merged the start-of-game terms "kick off" and "puck drop" into "what time's puck off?"

    7 pm on Thursday, that's when it is! Puck off, LA!


    ETA: I just remembered this NHL commercial from a few years ago that seemed appropriate:


    1. Yup - that goal was gorgeous!

      That last part reminded me of a friend that would say "pick up the snatch" instead of "pick up the snap" in American football. Ah, the fun we had with that one ;)

    2. I have a running list on my blog of things that hockey commentators say that sound dirty that might be appropriate for hockey p0rn. http://www.drbethsnow.com/2009/04/11/more-hockey-terms-that-sound-dirty/

    3. Congrats to Henrik on winning the Art Ross and snatching it away from Ovechkin - just the deflating he needs before he & the Caps take on my beloved Habs tomorrow night. I have made the bold (crazy?) prediction that the Habs are gonna win it in 7. They will NOT be steamrolled by the Caps. I hope.

    4. Alyssa, that's hilarious! I know if one of my friends ever said that, we'd use it against them until the end of time!

      Beth, great minds obviously think alike! Thanks for that!

      X-ine, glad our boys could help out! It was so exciting - after our game on Saturday we were all glued to the updates on the Caps game on Sunday, and were thrilled that Ovie got shut down. But then in the Penguins' game later on, Crosby (who was 8 points behind Henrik) suddenly had 5 points by the middle of the 2nd period! It was a bit tense, but Henrik took the trophy and I don't think it could have happened to a nicer guy!

      Good luck against Washington! Mr E Man and I both cheer for every Canadian team in the play-offs (although a lot of our friends don't agree with this strategy). Your lot and the Senators both have a tough draw - but anything can happen!

    5. well the leafs finished sold last didn't they? I haven't really paied attention to the NHL apart from the pool.... and the leafs non winning streak...

      so, I'll go with CAnucks - as usual - and then try and get back into the game.

      now that I am on the other side of the planet for a shorter time though, I might not see any games.... since they are like 4am in the morning or so ;) no loss for the leafs fan here though ^^

    6. Last in the East, yeah, but they still did better than the Oilers, who ended up 17 points behind the team in 14th place in the West. It's very sad that Canadian teams ended up at the bottom of both conferences...

      Hopefully the Canucks will still be playing when you get back from your trip! Fingers, toes and everything else crossed!

    7. That poor fucking goalie.


    8. Balanced Interaction, welcome to the blog! I don't usually write about hockey quite as much as I've been doing so far this year...

      Antipodean, yeah, he didn't stand much of a chance!


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