Monday, January 12, 2009

Vancouver 2010: new events announced

Non-Canadians are probably not yet aware of an initiative known as "Own the Podium 2010". The idea is to develop and support Canadian talent in the run-up to the upcoming Vancouver-Whistler Winter Games; the ultimate goal, of course, is for Canada to top the medals table, and also place within the top three nations (based on number of gold medals) in the Paralympics.

The other part of the plan has been less well publicised.

In order to improve the odds of a first-ever Canadian gold medal on home soil, and boost waning local support for the games, the organisers are planning to introduce a number of new winter sports. These events have been specially designed to give Vancouverites an advantage over their competitors:

- The "I Don't Need Snow Tyres, This Is Vancouver, and Anyway I'm a Really Good Driver" Giant Slalom (Motorised) event will take place down Fraser and other main city streets.

- The "Oh Shit" Freestyle Aerials (Bicycle) competition will be held wherever the combination of steep hills and new pot holes affords optimal air for commuters on hybrid bikes. Conditions change daily; check back regularly for updates.

- Similarly, the Short and Long Track "Walking Through Ice and Slush Without Falling On Your Arse" race routes will be decided after Games staff have assessed the city's side streets for the longest and steepest sections of treacherous sidewalk.

- The "Riding the Bus That is Crammed Full of People Who Usually Drive and Do Not Understand Bus Etiquette" Endurance Event preliminary rounds will be held, oh, everywhere. Survivors finalists will compete on the 99 B-Line down Broadway during rush hour.

- Unfortunately however, the "Sod It" Snow Shovelling (Sidewalks) event has been cancelled due to lack of interest.

My training is going well, and I expect at least a bronze in two of the above events.

13 comments:

  1. sorry about that. sounds like the bike ride in slush would be up for it?!
    Back in the days (when I biked to work in the cold country) I actually did do it once with my ski goggles on.... nerd oh yes. Did it help me? oh yes.

    Would I do it again? Never ;)

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  2. I'm pretty certain my current city would do very well at "No School For The First Week Of The New Year Because We Forgot To Clear 5ft Of Snow From The Roofs" and "What Do You Mean Kids Can't Walk To School If The Sidewalks Haven't Been Cleared? They Can Walk On The Road".

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  3. Brilliant! this is getting printed out and posted on our lab door!

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  4. Chall, the bike events are much more enjoyable than the bus events. This morning I took the main roads (I was sooo happy to be back on my bike, it's tragic really) so I couldn't really swerve around the potholes if there was traffic alongside or behind me. I'm going to try the bike routes on the way home tonight, the first one looks clear for at least the first few blocks and I can escape to the main roads if there's still snow/ice/slush on the side roads. Judging by other streets, there will be more and more snow as I get closer to home at the top of the hil...

    PiT, petition for inclusion in the games! It would be boring if Vancouverites win everything.

    SM, seriously? Thanks mate, that is a big compliment (and I mean that sincerely).

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  5. This is awesome! I have been privileged to be a spectator for many of these events, and a competitor in a few as well. You forgot the ever popular Wake the Most Neighbours: Spin Your Wheels for 20 Minutes at 2am to Get Out of a Parking Spot event, though.

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  6. LOL, yes I did forget that one.

    I've also heard of someone witnessing a practice for the "Yelling at your neighbour for taking the parking spot outside your house, even though she cleared 3 spots yesterday that other people have parked in, leaving no space for her" event (Team).

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  7. Ah yes, this is closely related to Heavyweight Junk Carrying to Reserve Your Parking Spot!

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  8. Awesome!

    I am so very happy to be in a location with city operated snowplows for clearing the sidewalks (I don't know what they are called; not snowblowers...they look like tractors).

    Wait... then again, it would be GREAT to live in a place where I didn't have to be thankful that snow was removed. Hmmm.... Summer Olympics, anyone??

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  9. I will be rocking the hell out of the bus endurance, and ice and slush race events! Nothing like listening to your neighbor inform his girlfriend that shooting heroin is not classy and she should really switch to weed.

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  10. UR, that sounds AWESOME. The snow clearing budget here barely extends past plowing the main roads 3 times a year - the snow we got this year is completely out of the ordinary.

    Hermitage, nothing that interesting ever gets said on my bus routes, everyone is squashed and squeezed into a dull, dumb submission. Although sometimes something interesting happens, like the time a passenger standing near the door got her foot stuck in it, and the driver refused to stop until the next scheduled stop despite everyone in that section of the bus yelling "she's got her foot stuck!".

    Some of the drivers are awesome though - they ask trivia questions over the tannoy, and get people to move back by shouting "free cookies on the back seat!"

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  11. those are some excellent additional events, and yes Cath it has been posted!

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  12. Sweeeeeeeeet! I can't believe I made it onto a lab door, all labs I have worked in having had rather strict criteria for such things.

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