I think we can call that Round One to you.
And I know what you were thinking when I woke up to the sound of our house guest* throwing up at 3 am last weekend, because I was thinking the same thing:
"Hmm, that must be the same thing his kid had a few days ago. Infectious, then. Oh bloody hell, it's my old friend Mr Norovirus. Let me see, person with highly infectious virus throwing up repeatedly in our one and only bathroom. Aerosols, all surfaces will be infected... oh, and I bet that's the same noise that woke me up half an hour ago, so I was in there immediately after him without realising. I washed my hands, but then I used the towel and touched the door handle. 24-48 hour incubation period, hmm, it's my birthday on Monday, I guess I'll be spending that the same way as Christmas. Oh, fuck, citizenship test on Tuesday, if I miss that it'll set me back by months. And even if by some miracle I'm not already infected, he'll still be infectious for at least another three or four days... which, if I'm not careful, would see me getting sick on Saturday, big birthday dinner... this is gonna SUCK."
But! Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on ME. I've learned a few things since our last encounter:
- I boiled my toothbrush for 10 minutes before using it. And I brushed my teeth in the kitchen for a whole week.
- I threw out my contact lenses a few days early, and switched to a new case when I opened the new pair of lenses.
- I've washed my hands so often and so well, my skin is cracked and painful despite all the lotion.
- I abandoned all environmental principles and bought some bleach spray. I've sprayed it on all hard surfaces in the bathroom at regular intervals for a week.
WE CAN'T GET FOOLED AGAIN!
As of today - eight days after that dark, dark night - I am symptom free.
Round Two to me.
Infect THAT, mo fo.
Yeah, OK, so the CDC says that "some people" are infectious for up to three weeks after symptoms stop. Too bad it doesn't say which people... So FYI I will not be dropping my guard any time soon.
But even if you DO make me sick some time this month, the joke will be on YOU, because I enjoyed my birthday AND my birthday dinner AND I took my citizenship test on schedule. So while I will curse your name from my battle station in the bathroom, victory will still me mine. Mwa ha ha ha!
You are a worthy adversary. And I'm sure we will meet again. I will be forewarned, forearmed, and ready to kick your butt.
Now if you will excuse me, I need to write a letter of complaint to Mr Sangria. His behaviour last night was really quite appalling.
*Friend of Mr E Man's, staying with us indefinitely while he navigates his way through a particularly vicious divorce. And that is all I have to say about that.