Wednesday, May 6, 2009

Rabid ninja wookie pirates

Last night I caught Mr E Man and Divorcing Friend* watching the last ten minutes of a show called "Deadliest Warrior"**. The concept of this high quality television programme is an in-depth and very shouty-macho dissection of a hypothetical fight between different kinds of warrior. Pirate vs. Knight, Viking vs. Samurai, Shoalin Monk vs. Maori, Spartan vs. Ninja - you get the idea. Completely stupid and pointless***.

Unless...

I decided that the only way to cope was to start suggesting even more ridiculous match-ups. I started with "drunken Scotsman vs. American crack-head", and they took the ball and ran with it:

"A Wookie and a Klingon!"

"Sarah Palin vs. a rabid monkey!"

"Wolverine and a zombie!"

This proved to be much more entertaining than either actual show. As was Facebook. And an actual book.

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*still living with us, despite becoming the official tenant of our basement suite at the weekend. OK, so he has no bed yet, but still. I'm starting to get a bit annoyed. At least he's using the shower down there though.

**their excuse was that they were waiting for the start of "The Ultimate Fighter: United States vs. United Kingdom", which is kinda like saying that you only stabbed someone because you were waiting for your new gun to be delivered. And no, just because I am British, I am not suddenly interested in watching UFC-based reality TV with you.

***for the record, Mr E Man agrees, but asserts that he has a right to watch stupid and pointless TV after working so hard: 12 hours a day, 7 days a week at the moment. He may have a point.

11 comments:

  1. What is it with men and their complete love of crappy action stuff :) I suppose their comment would be about us watching mills and boone type nonsense......

    viv in nz

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  2. Actually, it was about _Friends_ ;)

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  3. Stupid inter-blog formatting differences... that was supposed to be in italics!

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  4. I would pay to see that Palin matchup.

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  5. I certainly wouldn't underestimate Palin. She scares the bejeezus out of me

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  6. I bet Mr. E Man and Divorcing Friend would like Alien vs. Predator.

    And why would you want to see Sarah Palin fight herself??! :P

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  7. What is it with men and their complete love of crappy action stuffUnlike with women, who have a complete inability to suspend reality and just "go with the flow"*, men have the distinct ability to: live in the moment and enjoy the bright flashes of light replete with large booms and bangs; appreciate the frenetic pace of combat; and revel in high speed car chases.


    *Purely anecdotal evidence. ;)

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  8. UR, me too! Although, as Bean-Mom says, she would be a force to be reckoned with. I suppose it depends on the monkey - she might be able to beat, say, a capuchin, but I bet a baboon would give her more trouble, if it was really, really rabid.

    I think the drunken Scotsman would take the whole thing.

    MH, Mr E Man enjoyed it, but not the second one (even though he worked on the second one. He was the on-set carpenter (he's usually in the workshop) and he told me very early on that it was going to be terrible. "I've been there for 2 weeks and the only dialogue I've heard so far is "RICKY!!!!!!!!!! OH MY GOD!!!!!"", he said).

    Thomas, I'm glad you qualified that statement ;) Personally I enjoy cheesy sci-fi and creature feature style action, and I don't mind violence if the movie is good (e.g. Watchmen), but I just don't GET boxing, UFC, Viking on Samurai combat action etc.

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  9. Maybe you need to offer to 'help' divorcing friend shop for a bed and other stuff? Like volunteer for a trip to Ikea with him? I know it would take an afternoon of your time, but then it would be DONE!

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  10. Drunken Scotsman and American crackhead!!! I love it!!

    I am picturing Willie from the Simpsons against Tyrone the Crackhead a la Dave Chappelle skits. I would totally pay to see that :).

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  11. Mermaid, it's actually not all his fault, because he does have one on order. Unfortunately they didn't deliver it when they said they would, and he ended up being at work when they came. But it's still annoying. If he's not set up and moved downstairs by the end of this weekend, I'm gonna get really pissed off.

    Phizzle, me too! Although my image of the drunken Scotsman is less Willie and more the scary idiots who would shout abuse at me in Glasgow as soon as they heard my accent!

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