Monday, May 10, 2010

What will happen if you take your parents to a gig

In chronological order:
  • Your parents will finally announce the start and end dates of their much-discussed five week trip to Vancouver
  • You will dutifully add the dates to your calendar
  • A few weeks later, you will find out that Delhi 2 Dublin are playing the Commodore on May 7th, and you finally have a chance to see them after missing out twice in the last couple of years
  • You will check your calendar and realise that the gig will take place while your parents are in town
  • You will swear
  • You will ask your parents via Skype if they would like to go to see a Celtic-bhangra fusion band
  • They will say "we're up for anything!"
  • You will buy four tickets to said concert
  • Your sister will say "erm... seriously? HAHAHAHA!"
  • When your parents arrive, you will remind them that you have tickets for a gig on May 7th
  • They will have forgotten, and will look slightly dubious about the concept of Celtic-bhangra fusion music
  • The Canucks will end up playing Game 4 of their second round playoff series on the same night
  • Your husband will threaten not to come to the concert
  • You will call the Commodore, and they will tell you that they do not show hockey games on night when there's a band on
  • You will swear
  • You will decide to watch the game at home and then jump in a cab and head downtown as soon as it ends
  • You will hope there is no overtime
  • The Canucks will suck
  • You will drink faster than normal during the game because of the tension and frustration of it all 
  • You will realise that overtime is a laughably over-optimistic objective for this game
  • Everyone will swear
  • And again
  • And then some more
  • Your husband will call a cab just as the game ends
  • No-one will be ready to leave as he makes the call, but your husband will confidently say "plenty of time, it's going to take bloody ages to get a cab tonight"
  • The cab will arrive immediately
  • Everyone will swear and run around the house in a mad panic
  • You will pop to the loo before leaving
  • When you come out, everyone will be outside chasing your cat, who escaped through the front door during the chaos
  • You will swear
  • Everyone will swear
  • The taxi driver will laugh at you all
  • You will be mad at everybody for letting the cat out
  • The cat will evade all attempts at recapture and disappear down the back alley
  • You will swear some more
  • You will get into the cab and go to the gig anyway, although you will be really worried about the cat, who has never been outside at night before and there are raccoons and coyotes and she doesn't even have her sister with her for backup
  • Everyone will be grumpy in the cab, because of the stoopid cat and the even stoopider Canucks
  • You will tip the driver well for not driving away in disgust during the chaos 
  • You will cheer up a bit when you get IDed at the venue
  • Your Dad will be astonished (and delighted) that beer is available for purchase
  • He will say "do they sell beer at gigs in England?"
  • You will ask him when he last went to a gig*
  • He will admit that he doesn't remember, but it was probably in the 60s and might have been the Hollies
  • You will drink faster than normal because you're worried about your cat and mad that no-one was paying attention while she escaped, but don't want to get into an argument about it at this precise moment
  • There will be several techno DJs as support acts
  • They will mostly suck
  • Your parents will look a bit lost and confused and uncomfortable
  • They will enjoy the break dancers though
  • Your husband will ease the tension by asking your Mum what her favourite song was so far
  • You will gradually lighten up and start to enjoy yourself 
  • You will get into a debate with your Dad about which is worse: to have never seen your team (Newcastle United) win anything in your whole lifetime (me), or to have seen them win something when you were seven and then suffer through a much longer lifetime of disappointment and failure after that (him)
  • You will approach a guy in a Newcastle shirt to ask him to settle the dispute
  • When you get close, you will realise that it's actually a Juventus shirt
  • You will realise that you are drunk
  • Delhi 2 Dublin will finally come on at about 11:30pm
  • They will rock
  • Everyone will get up and dance
  • Your Dad will astonish you by shouting "I know this song!"
  • You will drag him onto the dance floor
  • You will realise that you are really drunk, but that's OK because so is your Dad
  • And your husband
  • Everyone will have an awesome time and buy CDs as souvenirs
  • You will get home to find one freaked-out cat with a big bloody scratch on her nose cowering by the back door
  • She will be completely fine after a big cuddle
  • You will declare the evening a huge success
  • You will be very hungover the next day

Next up: what will happen if you take your parents to a Canucks game! Yay Canucks for winning Game 5 after Mr E Man had secured tickets for Game 6! WOOOOOOOOOO!

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*as opposed to a sit-down concert. They go to lots of those

12 comments:

  1. Awesome. I could do that for last time my M&D were over..I was playing in punk/rockabilly band and we dragged my parents along. It was f'ing hilarious seeing my mum pretend to enjoy herself, and even watching my very conservative father squirm for a couple of hours >:)

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  2. Fantastic! Love the play-by-play. So happy that your night ended better than game 4. Big cuddles to Ms. Cat who probably really regretted running away as soon as you got in the cab and stopped calling for her.

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  3. so, the only one non-drunk was your mother? ;)

    Sounds like a hilarious evening, at least while I read it. And I'm happy the cat made it home almost safe. Maybe she'll remember the cold, dark, hostile outside now and not sneak out next time three people are running out to catch a cab? ;)

    Let's see what the Canucks bring to the table but I'm telling you, it ain't looking all that shiny from where I am sitting :(

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  4. I think that's your best post of the year so far.

    And SOOOOO jealous that you have tickets to the Canucks game!!

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  5. Haha! That's very brave. I did take some friends from Holland to a Sarah Harmer concert once, in a similar planning situation, and they liked it so much that they ended up walking down the aisle to a Sarah Harmer song when they got married.

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  6. Tideliar, that's hilarious! Being actually IN the band is a whole other level of funny.

    My parents aren't very conservative at all, but it was still a bit of a foreign experience for them. They'll really enjoy telling all their friends about it when they get home though!

    ScientistMother, I found it amusing too :)

    Thanks, Mermaid! The evening didn't get off to the best of starts, but it definitely improved... and Google was trying to get outside again the very next morning. Not much going on in the brains department there. (We let her, because it was during the day and we were home and both cats were together).

    Chall, yup! My Mum rarely has more than a couple of drinks in an evening, and on the rare occasions she's actually got drunk, I've been drunker... the two exceptions were when she and her American sister got tiddly on margueritas in the States when I was underage, and then at my wedding, when I was almost completely sober until we got to the hotel room at midnight and started to drink champagne.

    I'm definitely hoping that Google won't be quite so keen to go out at night in the future, although as I said above, she seems completely normal and brave again now.

    I was just so happy that the Canucks won Game 5 so I could go to Game 6 that I forgot that we still need to win the next two to survive... and Ch*c@g% only need to win once... it's amazing I have any fingernails left at all.

    Alyssa: aww, thanks! I have fun playing around with different post structures from time to time, and usually get a good response. It's too much mental effort to do it every week though :)

    Some of our friends are really mad that we're taking my parents to the game instead of them! Something about being a fan for their whole life instead of just for the last two weeks. Haters gonna hate! (I do need to make sure that my parents stop calling the puck the ball, though).

    Eva, nice work! I don't know how much bhangra music my parents are going to listen to when they get home, but I can imagine the CD making an appearance as a novelty item at one of their parties in the future!

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  7. Eva, now I want to get married to a Sarah Harmer song :) Thanks for the reference!

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  8. Great story! I'm glad your everyone enjoyed it in the end (I'm not sure I would have taken my parents to a gig...) and that the cat came home ok.

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  9. Put this post up for Post of the Week. I demand it.

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  10. No, put it up for Post of the Month. You've been warned.

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  11. Lisbeth, I love it when my commenters talk to each other! No idea why, but it's awesome!

    Amelie, thanks! I'm relieved that everyone enjoyed the gig, but very, very relieved about the cat!

    Silver Fox, heh! That would be against the spirit of the "rules", such as they are. (I almost awarded myself comment of the week once, but decided that it would just be too narcissistic). I might give you comment of the week for this though :)

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