In a taxi, heading home after I'd met his friends for the first time:
Mr E Man: "Oh, by the way, I told them all that you have a prosthetic foot."The next time I met them, I made sure I was wearing sandals so they could see that both my feet are in fact real.
Me: "WHAT?? WHY????!!!!!"
Mr E Man: "Well, when you went to the bathroom they started bugging me to dance with you, and I don't like dancing. So I told them you've got a club foot. But then I decided that a peg leg sounded better."
Me: "But WHY??!!! And what did they say??!!"
Mr E Man: "Well, they stopped bugging me to dance with you. And they said 'ooh, you can hardly tell'".
On the first anniversary of our first date:
"When I met you, I dumped all the other girls I was seeing."On his first visit to see my family in the UK:
(He'd already met my parents a couple of times when they visited Vancouver).
My Dad: "Several people have mistaken [friend sitting next to him in the pub] for my father, you know".(I should say that my Dad has the same sense of humour as I do, loves Mr E Man, and all of the above was said in jest. Although the "drinking my beer and stealing my daughter" line gets used a lot).
Mr E Man: "Really? I think you look older than him".
Dad: "Bloody colonials! Coming over here, drinking our beer, eating our food, drinking our whisky, stealing our daughters... I've never been so insulted in all my life!"
Mr E Man: "I find that very hard to believe".
During our joint speech at our wedding:
I'd finished the first part of my speech (carefully written and revised and rewritten and revised again over the previous two weeks), in which I'd called Mr E Man my best friend and soul mate, amongst other nice things. There was then an awkward pause while Mr E Man fumbled through his notes to find the beginning of his own speech, which he'd written on the back of a couple of envelopes about an hour before the ceremony.
I'm pleased to report that his actual speech was very good indeed.
Me: "My notes say '[Mr E Man] will say something nice about me now'".
Mr E Man: "Nice bum".
Mr E Man also once spun a great tale for two of our nephews. He'd fallen while snowboarding, and as he landed his goggles slipped and poked him, causing an impressive black eye. When we got back to his sister's house that evening, he told the boys that he'd got into a fight with a bear. They didn't believe him at first, but as he went on and on about this epic boxing match, reenacting parts of it, and demonstrating how he'd knocked the bear over and pushed it down the mountain so that it formed into a massive snowball that got bigger and bigger and faster and faster and kept on going all the way into town, they gradually got suckered in. I wouldn't be surprised if they still believe that story now! They also fell for his cheap trick later that night (it was Christmas Eve) of calling them up on his cell, from the bathroom, and pretending to be Santa. They magically started to behave and went quietly to bed, while the adults got on with the serious business of playing drunken Cranium.
The end of my wedding speech was "I couldn't have imagined a better husband for myself in my wildest dreams". And, believe it or not, it's true.